Sunday, August 25, 2013

Hobo Handbook: Memoirs of a Homeless Poet in New York (Excerpt #9)


By Daniel Canada c.2010



O.k., so now you’ve taken a shower at one of the centers that provides showers for the homeless. You even feel good after you've changed into some fresh clothing. But there’s still something missing. How about the use of some deodorant, toothpaste, and what not?

This is where glomming these provisions from the soup kitchens that hand them out comes in handy. During the evening, there are various charitable organizations, such as The Midnight Run, and certain church groups, that drive around in vans scouring for the homeless to give out these accoutrements.

However, you have to know where they stop and the times they arrive, or you’re shit out of luck. If you do locate them, you’ve hit the homeless jackpot! Why? Because they give out buku (Yeah, know the proper spelling is "beaucoup") soap, deodorant, toothpaste, razors, just about everything you need to keep up your personal hygiene for a decent period of time. That’s until you need to catch them again, and to restock.

The key is to keep your glom hand out. Don’t be shy. You’re going to need these provisions for the road trip, buddy. Look! There’s a ton of bathrooms, and plenty of water around in such facilities. Even the homeless hold their noses up to other dirty “Skeksies,” who neglect their own personal cleanliness. And they bitch and complain about them whenever they show up to a soup kitchen. This shall never happen to you if you keep your bag well stocked with these essential items. And hit the public showers provided by the churches and government shelters, that extend these amenities, as often as possible.

Guess what? After a while you're starting to look like a normal, working-class bloke.




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