THE HOBO
HANDBOOK: MEMOIRS OF A HOMELESS POET IN NEW YORK
By Daniel Canada c.2010
PLASTIC BAGS (Continued)
First, you must make yourself invisible. I don’t feel it’s necessary to
explain how to affect this. I’m sure you know what to do. After you’ve hidden
yourself well out of sight, take out your handy, plastic ass-bag and quickly
take care of business.
And I do mean
quickly!
Now, here’s
where skill comes in.
It is of the utmost importance you tie the ass-bag
immediately after use! This prevents the release of any offensive methane. Do
your best to get rid of the ass-bag in the most proper manner. Be considerate
of others, for heaven’s sake! You
wouldn’t appreciate it if someone left their…end product…exposed to your
proboscis, would you?
And besides, there are poop-a-scoop laws currently on
the books. They kind of sort of apply to you. Well, at least within the spirit
of the law.
Anyway, as crazy as all of this may sound, they are the solid truths and can
help you, as it did me, whenever you get into a pinch-no pun intended. Therefore,
make certain you remember to always stock up on the multi-faceted plastic bag.
Now that we've wrapped up this topic, let's move on to the subject of
keeping track of time.
TIME
Wrong.
Homeless people have to keep a constant vigil on the passage of time,
unless they’re completely gone out of their cotton-picking minds, in order to
show up to all the soup kitchens, food lines, churches and shelters that give
out grub and swag, and a whole host of other places throughout the day and
week.
(To be continued)
(To be continued)
