THE HOBO
HANDBOOK: MEMOIRS OF A HOMELESS POET IN NEW YORK
By Daniel Canada c.2010
CHAPTER
THREE
PERSONALITIES
OF THE HOMELESS (Continued)
HAT HEAD reminds one of the cartoon character in Dr. Seuss'
"The Cat in the Hat." He's a real humorous looking fellow, I tell you. But
don't laugh! He’s very serious about his fashion statements. He's a
Rastafarian mon! And Rastafarians like to don long-and I mean really long-colorful,
hats on their heads, to cover their lengthy dread locks. These hats come
in all kinds of creative designs that stagger the fertile imagination. It makes
me mindful of carnival in the Caribbean.
Now, I ain’t dissing on Jamaicans, because I come from
an ethnically diverse neighborhood myself, and happen to know some real good
people from the islands. However, “Hat Head” is a special Jamaican Rasta mon,
because he’s the first person I ever saw use his hat as a place to stash his
weed.
No. I didn’t stammer and you’re not reading a misprint.
It’s exactly as I said. “Hat Head” wears his towering, cat-in-the–hat, head
piece as a cover to stash his marijuana, mon.
Brilliant, isn’t it?
Well, it's worked well for “Hat Head.” So far “Hat
Head” hasn't been busted by the cops and I’m not going to give you any further information
about where he sleeps or likes to hang out either. I like the man and wouldn't
want to see him locked up in the joint, for a simple things as getting his
smoke on in the public.
What is more, all you PC people out there can rest
assure, you’re not going to catch a “contact high” from simply reading this
piece about the Rasta mon and his marijuana.
Trust me.
By the way, “Hat Head” isn’t a lazy bloke either. He’s
always looking for a gig, be it construction, as a laborer, or helping unload
trucks for shows in various parks, throughout the city. The dude works hard for
his weed, mon. You’ll never see “Hat Head” begging for bread either. He comes
from the West Indies and they believe strongly in the virtues of good old fashion
hard work, and like to maintain such established work ethics. Be it legal or
illegal.
Hey! Give the mon a break, you bumper clod.
Having a substance abuse situation and being
homeless doesn’t necessarily have to pose a problem, if you’re willing to get
up and work for your shit. Besides, panhandling’s low-class and extremely uncouth.
Remember, nobody owes you a goddamned thing, simply because you’re homeless and
broke. Furthermore, panhandling and bumming belongs to the domain of the “Skeksies,”
and gives homeless people a bad PR.
You want to get your smoke on? Get a job. You
want to drink? Hustle up some work. You need to take an occasional hit off a
crack pipe…Well, I’m sure you can figure out the rest.
Leave the hard-working people alone. They have
families to feed, college tuitions and mortgages to pay. Quit trying to get
over on the old guilt trip, bullshit. Nobody needs to feel guilty around you,
because they haven’t hit skid-row yet, and your sorry ass has. If “Hat Head”
can work hard to earn his weed, so can you.
So, get busy and shake a leg, chump.
You’re running out of get high quick.
(To be continued...)
