Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Hobo Handbook: Memoirs of a Homeless Poet in New York (Excerpt #41)


By Daniel Canada c.2010



HAT HEAD reminds one of the cartoon character in Dr. Seuss' "The Cat in the Hat." He's a real humorous looking fellow, I tell you. But don't laugh! He’s very serious about his fashion statements. He's a Rastafarian mon! And Rastafarians like to don long-and I mean really long-colorful, hats on their heads, to cover their lengthy dread locks. These hats come in all kinds of creative designs that stagger the fertile imagination. It makes me mindful of carnival in the Caribbean.

Now, I ain’t dissing on Jamaicans, because I come from an ethnically diverse neighborhood myself, and happen to know some real good people from the islands. However, “Hat Head” is a special Jamaican Rasta mon, because he’s the first person I ever saw use his hat as a place to stash his weed.

No. I didn’t stammer and you’re not reading a misprint. It’s exactly as I said. “Hat Head” wears his towering, cat-in-the–hat, head piece as a cover to stash his marijuana, mon.

Brilliant, isn’t it?

Well, it's worked well for “Hat Head.” So far “Hat Head” hasn't been busted by the cops and I’m not going to give you any further information about where he sleeps or likes to hang out either. I like the man and wouldn't want to see him locked up in the joint, for a simple things as getting his smoke on in the public.

What is more, all you PC people out there can rest assure, you’re not going to catch a “contact high” from simply reading this piece about the Rasta mon and his marijuana.

Trust me.

By the way, “Hat Head” isn’t a lazy bloke either. He’s always looking for a gig, be it construction, as a laborer, or helping unload trucks for shows in various parks, throughout the city. The dude works hard for his weed, mon. You’ll never see “Hat Head” begging for bread either. He comes from the West Indies and they believe strongly in the virtues of good old fashion hard work, and like to maintain such established work ethics. Be it legal or illegal.

Hey! Give the mon a break, you bumper clod.

Having a substance abuse situation and being homeless doesn’t necessarily have to pose a problem, if you’re willing to get up and work for your shit. Besides, panhandling’s low-class and extremely uncouth. Remember, nobody owes you a goddamned thing, simply because you’re homeless and broke. Furthermore, panhandling and bumming belongs to the domain of the “Skeksies,” and gives homeless people a bad PR.

You want to get your smoke on? Get a job. You want to drink? Hustle up some work. You need to take an occasional hit off a crack pipe…Well, I’m sure you can figure out the rest.

Leave the hard-working people alone. They have families to feed, college tuitions and mortgages to pay. Quit trying to get over on the old guilt trip, bullshit. Nobody needs to feel guilty around you, because they haven’t hit skid-row yet, and your sorry ass has. If “Hat Head” can work hard to earn his weed, so can you.

So, get busy and shake a leg, chump.

You’re running out of get high quick. 

(To be continued...)